What
does it mean to be abstinent?
While abstinence may have different meanings for different people,
in simple terms, abstinence is not having sexual intercourse. For
some people, abstinence means having no sexual contact with a partner.
For others, abstinence means having no genital contact with a partner.
Abstinence from intercourse does not have to mean lack of sexual
expression and satisfaction, because there are so many other pleasurable
things you can do.
Why
do people choose to be abstinent?
Being intimate without intercourse is a satisfying way to explore
and learn about your body and about your partner's body without
any sense of pressure to go further. People choose to be abstinent
for many reasons:
Not
being ready for sexual involvement
Waiting
for the right person
Supporting
personal or religious beliefs
Focusing
on school or career activities
Avoiding
the risk of pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections (STIs)
It is
normal and natural to go through periods in your life when you choose
to be abstinent, whether you are in between relationships or you
are currently in a relationship. The decision to have sex is your
decision, each and every time, regardless of whether or not you've
been sexually active in the past.
How
effective is abstinence in preventing pregnancy and STIs?
Abstinence from intercourse and oral sex is the most effective way to avoid pregnancy
and STIs, but a sense of self-control and commitment are necessary
for this method to be effective. You need to be aware that how you
define abstinence, meaning the behaviors you include and exclude,
will raise or lower your risk for pregnancy and STIs. Pregnancy
could occur if pre-ejaculate or ejaculatory fluid is deposited near
the opening of the vagina. STIs such as human papilloma virus (HPV)
and herpes can be transmitted by skin-to-skin contact while others
such as gonorrhea and hepatitis can be transmitted by oral-genital
contact.
How
do I choose to be abstinent?
You first need to think about what types of sexual intimacy you
are comfortable with. It is important to make these decisions before
you are in the heat of the moment because it can be hard to talk
about your sexual limits when either partner is aroused. Consider
your values and reasons for choosing abstinence, think about situations
where it might be difficult to maintain abstinence, and consider
how other people or substances like alcohol or other drugs might
influence your decision. Use the following questions to help you
make your decision about abstinence:
Do
you feel comfortable with your present level of involvement with
your partner?
What
are your reasons for choosing abstinence?
Do
you feel pressured to have sexual intercourse?
What
do you imagine as a possible result of having sex? How will you
feel about yourself? How will you feel about your partner?
Are
you comfortable talking to your partner about your decisions?
Can
you discuss prevention of pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections
(STIs)?
Do
you feel comfortable taking the responsibility to prevent pregnancy
and STIs?
Can
you stand up to pressure? What might tempt you to have sex? Are
you willing to avoid these situations to stick with your decision?
What
other ways will you find to be sexual (alone or with a partner)?
Once
you are sure of your own sexual boundaries, talk with your partner
about your decision and ask your partner about their boundaries.
Abstinence can only work when both partners agree to it and maintain
open communication. If your decision about abstinence changes, be
honest with your partner and be sure to make your sexual decisions
together.
Disclaimer: Health Education is part of Health Services at Brown University. Health Education maintains this site as a resource for Brown students. This site is not intended to replace consultation with your medical providers. No site can replace real conversation. Health Education offers no endorsement of and assumes no liability for the currency, accuracy, or availability of the information on the sites we link to or the care provided by the resources listed. Health Services staff are available to treat and give medical advice to Brown University students only. If you are not a Brown student, but are in need of medical assistance please call your own health care provider or in case of an emergency, dial 911. Please contact us if you have comments, questions or suggestions.
