From the Editors

• The Ever Elusive Checkmate and Condi

News

• We watch Senate Rebublicans give it to Alaska. Hard.

• WIR: Revenge of the Nerds hits Jerusalem

• Dan Rather is everyone's bitch

• The deficit is everyone's pimp

Opinions

• Dick and Jane get surveilled

• An engagement in a Vagina Dialogue

Features

• We love a man in uniform

• BC does the fruitcake lady

• Fucking Commie Scumbags

Literary

• A love letter to love (and death)

• WH has slept with John Ashbery's daughter

Arts

• DF and BA have seen Bill Murrary's giant dick. But is it shrinking?

• For the Record: The Orient cannot comprehend abstraction and Take Me Out

Sports

• BM is waiting for Canseco with a towel around his waist.

• My father is a Columbian drug runner

List

• Molly does her thing (again)

Covers & Spread

• Cover: Shining doves

• Back: Parasoled woman

• Spread: IndySports: Your bracket sucks