WIR

Week in Review

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Illustration by Sarah Hotckiss
dog barks ha!

BY SAM COCHRAN, CRISTI LAQUER, AND BARBARA GALLETLY

Nope To Hope Of Soaping Pope

For many outside the Vatican, the rituals surrounding the papacy have always been mysterious. This week, even those traditionally closest to the body of the pope are desperate for answers. The Signoracci family, caretakers of the past three papal corpses, has been cut out of the loop. Of the sudden change, Signoracci spokesman Massimo Signoracci said, "It's tradition-we're surprised." The Vatican issued no comment.

Massimo only recently took over the family's longstanding mortuary business, but the Signoraccis have been embalming in Rome since 1870. Aside from popes, the family has embalmed other noteworthy figures, including former Italian Prime Minister Aldo Moro and King Farouk of Egypt. The Signoraccis are best known, however, for their involvement in the controversy surrounding the death of Pope John Paul I in 1978. Newspapers at the time reported that members of the family had been summoned to the Vatican an hour before the pontiff's death, thus spawning a string of murder conspiracy theories that were later discredited in the 1989 John Cornwell book, A Thief in the Night. In it, Ernesto Signoracci tells Cornwell, "Listen, we're a bit confused about the times and the hours because we've been fixing up the corpses of popes since John XXIII."

The family remains confused, even hurt, by its recent divorce from the Vatican and, given no explanation, must wonder whether the recent snub signals the end of its prestigious standing. More importantly, the family wants to know who could have replaced them. According to Knight Ridder via Yahoo! News, Massimo Signoracci said, "They must have called someone else, someone from outside, because I am the only one in Rome."

Pope John Paul II's body must be preserved since it will be exposed for several days while an estimated 2 million viewers pay their respects to the pontiff, who died Saturday at age 84. The embalming process involves the removal of bodily fluids and the intravenous injection of formaldehyde for disinfection. In 2001, when John XXIII's body, which the Signoraccis embalmed, was exhumed after 38 years and transferred to St. Peter's Basilica, Italian newspaper Corriere della Sera reported that it remained in excellent condition.

-CL

A Man Among Cocks

America said goodbye to its favorite poultry enthusiast last week when Frank Perdue died at 84. Born to humble roots, Perdue grew up in the small farming town of Salisbury, Maryland, where he spent much of his time tending to the family hens. Little did he know at the time that chickens would later provide him an estimated fortune of $825 million-from 1970 to 2003, the annual sales of his frozen chicken business grew from $56 million to $2.8 billion. Mr. Perdue did nothing short of transform the industry in its entirety. It will, in turn, forever bear his name.

With a friendly and recognizable face that offset his remarkable business savvy, Perdue did everything from appear in commercials to develop methods of improving the appearance and texture of his chicken. As he often reminded us, "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken." Frank Perdue was that man: all-American, self-made, and (conveniently) rather similar in appearance to just the product he was selling. America bought the whole package.

-BG

They're All Going To Laugh At You

As if I didn't have enough problems, now I have to wonder whether my pet is laughing at me or with me. According to Professor Panksepp of Bowling Green State University in Ohio, dogs and even rats exhibit sounds that resemble human laughter. His findings, published last week in Science magazine, contradict the existing notion of laughter and joy as uniquely human traits.

This discovery suggests that the capacity for laughter precedes the capacity for speech and thus predates the evolution of mankind. In the case of rats, Panksepp believes, the brain's release of the neurotransmitter dopamine provokes the sounds. The same dopamine circuits activate during human laughter, in a part of the brain whose general structure is shared by many mammals.

Until now there was little evidence of animal laughter aside from the well documented panting of chimpanzees and monkeys. Though rats were known to produce high-pitched, chirping whistles inaudible to human beings, these noises were previously believed to signal distress, aggression or sexual excitement. Unconvinced, Panksepp spent the past seven years tickling rats. According to his research, not only do rats chirp vigorously during tickle baths but they become socially bonded to human beings to the point of actively seeking tickles. Some will do anything in the name of science.

-SC

Oh No She Didn't!

Not since Vanessa Williams appeared in Penthouse has a beauty queen so dishonored her title. Though she may not have posed nude, as far as pageant committee members are concerned Janeal Lee, better known as Ms. Wheelchair Wisconsin 2005, did something far, far worse-she walked. Last week, state pageant officials stripped Lee of her crown upon unearthing a photograph, printed in her hometown newspaper, of Lee standing among her high school math students. Lee, 30, suffers from muscular dystrophy and uses a scooter for most daily activity.

The decision fell upon a steering committee led by Gina Hackel, a former Ms. Wheelchair Wisconsin and pageant state coordinator. When questioned, Hackel replied, "I can't go into it. All I can say is she does not meet the physical requirements. It stated it in her contract . She should've known about it." While rules do state that candidates must use wheelchairs in public, Hackel, Lee maintains, not only knew that she walked in her classroom but encouraged her to enter the pageant in spite of the fact. It was only after Lee confronted Hackel on account of her litigious attitude towards local, handicap-inaccessible businesses that Hackel disputed her eligibility.

Lee, who had planned to attend the national competition with her sister, Ms. Wheelchair Minnesota, remains critical of pageant requirements. "I've been made to feel as if I can't represent the disabled citizens of Wisconsin because I'm not disabled enough," she said. According to Lee, a member of the national board encouraged her to enter future pageants when she is more qualified for the title, that is to say when she is more fully disabled. Finally, muscular dystrophy finds its silver lining.

-SC

Remembering The Boom Boom Room

Four women filed suit against Citigroup Inc. last Thursday, accusing its Smith Barney brokerage unit of sexual discrimination. The women-one current employee and three former ones-assert that branch managers steered clients to male employees, thus denying them the chance to build new accounts, earn promotions and receive higher pay. Thousands more current and former employees stand to join the suit, filed in San Francisco, should it gain class action status.

If it sounds familiar that's because it should. In 1998, female employees at Smith Barney settled a discrimination suit that revealed the fraternity-style hazing and physical harassment routinely practiced at the so-called Boom Boom Room-the infamous basement party room of the Garden City, New York branch known for lap dances, guns, sexist slurs and farts. According to the National Organization for Women, such practices are not unusual within the company. Female employees at other branches nationwide have reported instances of branch managers offering hundreds of dollars to female co-workers to take off their shirts or commenting that a female staff member "needs a good fuck and I can give it to her."

Smith Barney spokeswoman Kimberly Atwater, nonetheless, insists that recent allegations are completely unfounded. "Smith Barney is one of the most progressive employers in the securities industry," she maintained during a press conference. "It provides a professional and respectful work environment and fair and equal opportunities for growth." It sounds like her branch manager gave her a good fuck.

-SC

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