Did you say N-37? Whiskers!! Wait--I thought the name of this game was Whiskers. Whiskery whiskers, I have lost at Whiskers again. Whiskers.

Sometimes the attendants at this nursing home beat me.

Sometimes I don’t shave for a few days, and I end up with a crop of WHISkers!!! on my face and neck. I always use “whiskers” as an exclamation.

I’m sorry, Nurse Jimmy, I can’t play Whiskers this afternoon. I am cranky and I feel like complete whiskers. Must have gotten up on the wrong side of the whiskers this whiskers. Please don’t beat me.

Great whiskers! What was I thinking? Oh yes, I just remembered: my life is meaningless. And the reason for it all is my confounded obsession with the word “whiskers. ” It drives everyone away. Also I am always staring at my feet and shouting at myself. I have legally changed my name to Whiskers W. Jackson. Whiskers! The W. is for Whiskers. I want to go play Go Fish with Donuts and Fiddlesticks. I think they’re in solitary whiskers today. Good Whiskers, I say. The Great Depression was a sad, sad time for all.

Back in Whiskers War II we spent all our money on whiskey and whores down at the Whiskers A-Go-Go on 5th and Whiskers. I really, really hate the nursing home. So much.

Whiskersuary 27, 1999 Dear Janet (Whiskers):

You are a good daughter. Please don’t spend all your money on whiskers. I wouldn’t expect you to. I don’t even know if you can buy whiskers anymore. I remember when you could get a handful of them for a penny down at Charlie’s Five & Dime over on Whiskers. Anyway, come visit me somewhiskers. I have never been this lonely and afraid.

Best whiskers, please visit, Dad (a.k.a. WHISKERS)