I walked up to Rachel the other day at the cafeteria. I reached out to her holding a flower. “Here,” I said. “This is for you.” Rachel looked like she was about to take the flower, so I opened my hand. The flower fell to the floor. “Oh my!” Rachel exclaimed. “That flower just floated over here by itself!” Rachel has no idea I exist.

I walked up to Rachel the other day at the cafeteria. I reached out to her holding a pickle. “Here,” I said. “This is for you.” Rachel looked like she was about to take the pickle, and then she took it. I was so excited! Rachel took a bite of the pickle and said, “The person who gave me this pickle doesn’t exist. I taste nothing.”

I dreamed about Rachel again last night. She doesn’t know I exist. In the dream, Rachel and I were having a conversation. Rachel asked me a riddle. “What do the following things have in common?,” she asked. “Santa Claus, global warming, racism, and you.” “What, Rachel?” I asked excitedly, but naively. “They all don’t exist. I am talking to myself.” The girl of my dreams has a cynical attitude toward environment and race issues.

This morning I had another dream. Rachel and I were having a sword fight. “I could plunge this sword into the air right in front of me, and no one would be harmed,” Rachel proclaimed. I was standing right in front of her. Then Rachel clarified her statement. “That is to say no existing person will be harmed.” The pain of not existing was only slightly more painful than the pain of getting stabbed repeatedly in the stomach. Then I woke up.

Rachel is now seven months pregnant with our first child. I am worried that Rachel will give preferential treatment to her other child from a previous relationship, because Rachel doesn’t know that my child exists. Coincidentally, Rachel has spent the last seven months drinking heavily. This is in the dream, I mean. All of this is in the dream. In real life, my wife and I have a perfectly normal and healthy relationship.

I just had another frustrating dream about Rachel. In it I decided to try one last test. “If you know I exist, Rachel, just stand there and ignore me. Make no acknowledgment whatsoever of my presence if you know I exist.” Rachel turned and gave me a passionate kiss.

Someday, Rachel. Someday you will be mine.