“Shit, man. Girls are dumb. I mean, I saw this one girl who couldn’t even tie her own shoes. I was sayin’ how dumb she was, and her dad’s gettin’ all defensive, like, ’Hey, come on. She’s only four months old. She can’t even walk yet.’ I’m like, ’What?! Can’t even walk?! That is one dumb bitch!”

--Carl Finessi ’00

“I like girls with no self-confidence. Like I have this big paper on my wall, where I’ve got a line for every time I’ve had sex. And the first time I had sex with this one girl, she was number 4,761. I was psyched! I mean, that’s 69 squared! It’s kinda cool to have memorized the exact number that is 69 squared, right? ’Cause if it wasn’t cool, I wouldn’t have done it. So I tell the dumb bitch what number she is, and she says to me, ’You’ve had sex that many times?! I feel awkward. I don’t think we should do this.’ And that pissed me off, man. I’m screamin’ at her, like, ’Don’t ruin my moment! I been waitin’ for this since 8 years ago, when I memorized the exact number that is 69 squared!’ Then she ran out of the room, and I ran after her and told her I’d put a new paper up for her so she could get all the lines on that one. And she said, ’Oh, I’m that special to you?!’ and I was like, ’Yeah, bitch! I mean, “Yeah.” Just “yeah.” No “bitch.” Sorry, that slipped out.’ So we had sex then, and I put up a big paper for her and all that shit, and marked down a line on her sheet and on the overall one, and then I got a little overexcited and started yelling, ’YEAH MOTHERFUCKER! 69 SQUARED!’ She ran out.”
--Brian Buchanan ’02