Customer: [Knocks on door to Joe’s Barber Shop]
Doorkeep: [opens peephole] Joe’s Barber Shop, what can I do ya for?
Customer: I'd like a haircut, please.
Doorkeep: How long do you want it?
Customer: I guess about three weeks.
Doorkeep: Uh, all right, hurry up, get in.
Doorkeep ushers customer into the smoke-filled speakeasy.
Customer: Now may I please have my haircut?

Customer: [Knocks on door to Joe’s Barber Shop]
Doorkeep: [opens peephole] Yeah.
Customer: Hi' I'd like a haircut, please.
Doorkeep: How long you want it?
Customer: As soon as possible, if you can.
Doorkeep: No, I mean the hair. How long do you want it?
Customer: I don't know, a couple inches--
Doorkeep: We’re closed right now.
Customer: But--
Doorkeep: Try the liquor store.

Customer: [Knocks on door to Joe’s Barber's Shop]
Doorkeep: [opens peephole] Joe’s Barber Shop, how can I help you?
Customer: Isn’t the peephole supposed to be inside the phony barber shop?
Doorkeep: What are you talking about?
Customer: I mean first I walk into the barber shop. Then I go knock on the door with the peephole if I want to hear some jazz music and drink. You don’t put the peephole outside the fake store.
Doorkeep: I don’t understand.
Customer: This is a speakeasy, right?
Doorkeep: [long uncomfortable pause] No.
Customer: It isn’t a speakeasy?
Doorkeep: No.
Customer: You mean this is a speakeasy?!!
Doorkeep: Look...
Customer: Wait. Is this not a speakeasy.
Doorkeep: No. I mean--look. This is Joe’s Barber
Shop. The only alcohol in here is the illegal alcohol Joe keeps in his closet.
Customer: Can I get a haircut then?
Doorkeep: (reluctantly) Yes.
Doorkeep extends an arm holding contingency scissors through the peephole.

Customer: [Knocks on door to Joe Barber Shop]
Doorkeep: [opens peephole] Hi, Joe's Speak--Uh, Joe’s Speaker Shop.
Customer: (excited) You guys sell speakers?!!
Doorkeep: I gotta go.