So here it is, Mrs. Graham (“Letters,” p. 5), the much-anticipated liberty issue of Exit 20. The trashpailfuls of letters you sent us about why we should do a liberty theme, while completely unsolicited, had little to do with our decision. What determined our choice was a lengthy discussion we enjoyed (before we even read your letters) with John Stuart Mill, who recommended we do a liberty theme, and requested an early mention in our issue’s editorial. (Who takes care of ya, John, huh? Who takes care of ya?) Mill told us he liked our magazine, but also that we were a bit too highbrow. “Not enough dick,” Mill expounded. John also told us that we were funny. “Not fall-down split-your-pants Enrique F. Stockhausen funny” Mill explained, but “funny nonetheless.” As campus leaders, we at Exit 20 had already begun pondering the question of liberty even before J. S. Mill stopped by our office (when he found out that it was locked and none of us could get in because fucking Brown Student Radio changed the locks over the summer. So go ahead Brown students. Enjoy your precious student radio. Just know that BSR’s unique brand of indie rock variety comes with a price. And we paid it.).

After a hearty meal at the blue room last Thursday, the Exit 20 editors stepped in unison to the student activities office to collect our mail, and to learn a little lesson l’about liberty. The Exit 20 mailbox--which we share with the Brown Ice Skating Club--was as usual filled to the brim. We gathered our submissions and returned eagerly in unisons and octaves to the blue room. After poring over our latest copy of American Skating World, we began to consider the paradoxes that pervade our freedom-drenched culture: Why is it, for instance, that you are free to yell at one of your staff writers for belittling a choppy editorial, yet you cannot yell “Fire!” in a crowded theater, even if you are in a crowded theater that is burning? Why, for another instance, are we free to publish political satire, or even threaten to murder the President, yet we cannot kill someone just because they are stupid? Why is it, last one, that we can give unlicensed medical advice, or even torture a gorilla in our basement, but we cannot elect the Supreme Court Justice/UCS representative who will draft us into the army? These are the questions we asked ourselves last Thursday, and, yes, we got invited to a few ACLU parties. But the subject ends not here. Freedom of religion allows us to practice our religions freely and without harassment. My religion is killing people. Many of them are religious. Why does our First Amendment protect my right to kill people, and yet not permit you the freedom to make fun of my girlfriend, or even look at me funny? Why is it that I have the right to punch you square in the head, while you, conversely, have the right to get punched?

Hi, this is Kent, Amorphous Comedy Editor of Exit 20. Andrew just punched me.

Andrew here again. Throughout this issue, you will find comedy targeting all of the problems of liberty. We covered everything. Also in this issue you will find a whole bunch of articles that have nothing whatsoever to do with liberty. This is our special way of “ignoring the theme.” Somehow someone got the wacky idea that you have the freedom not to read something. There is, of course, no such freedom. Enjoy the magazine and read it carefully. Especially if you have any hope whatsoever of understanding the next issue.