I know you’ve seen him, and I know that you might be scared of him. He is the friendly fruit man, Cal Corvese. His signs are the stuff of legends “Grapes are sweet,” “Apple Today,” and “No = Junk Food.” Here’s a little insight into a man that has taken the Brown campus by a mysterious storm wrapped in slogans and fruit. An interview

Exit 20 What’s your name?
Fruit Guy: I’m Cal Corvese, the Friendly Fruit Man.
E20 Are grapes sweet?
FG Right now is the time of year when grapes are sweetest.
E20 If you had to rate the five sweetest fruits, what would they be?
FG Right now, would be pears, grapes, Washington state delicious apples. The sweetness changes according to the season. Most people like sweet apples, unless you prefer them sour.
E20 Are they “crazy?”
FG No, why would you say that?
E20 Well, most people don’t like sour fruit.
FG Oh no, especially girls, they like ‘em tart.
E20 Interesting. O.K if you were a fruit, what type of fruit would you be?
FG Uh, what type of interview is this?
E20 I’m just trying to get some background, personality-type info for the interview.
FG I’d probably want to be a kiwi.
E20 A kiwi? Why?
FG A kiwi, because they’re exotic, and I like to be classified as an exotic person.
E20 Do you grow the fruit in the van?
FG You sure you go to Brown?
E20 Yeah, I got my card.
FG Do I grow the fruit in the van? No, because the gas fumes would kill it.
E20 Where do you come up with the ideas for the signs?
FG I’ve been doing this for about 40 years, so it comes kinda natural.
E20 What happened to the guy selling hot dogs?
FG I don’t know, I haven’t seen him.
E20 Y’know, I don’t think he could compete; who wants hot dogs when you can have fruit.
FG This is real nourishment, instead of that prepared stuff they cook in the van.
E20 Yeah, that stuff is junk, but y’know some people call fruit junk food.
FG [angrily] Who says that, very few people say that, I don’t know anybody who says fruit is junk food.
E20 What would you say if somebody said fruit was junk food?
FG Well, first I would say that they didn’t belong in college. How could something that nature provided be junk food?
E20 True, although y’know cocaine comes from nature and that’s not good for you.
FG [blank stare] ... yeah.
E20 Do you ever eat junk food?
FG Well, sometimes I have a potato chip or a pretzel, I can’t lie.
E20 What about like when you’re really stoned, don’t you just want a big bag of Little Debbie’s star crunches?
FG [blank stare].
E20 Did you know that broccoli can feel pain when you cook them? (I made that up).
FG Cows like to produce more milk when you play music.
E20 That’s an interesting fact, maybe I’ll have to do an interview with a milk guy. [pause] Do you think Bill Clinton should resign?
FG I think he should, he doesn’t belong there any more under these circumstances.
E20 Do you think all this trouble would have started if Hillary would have kept more fruit around the house?
FG [gives me a weird look] Do you travel alone? .... [Laughs] I go through things like this once in a while, you’re good. What’s the question?
E20 (I repeat the question)
FG Depending what kind of fruit, y’know there’s different kinds of fruit.
E20 Interesting, so like bananas, what would they have done?
FG Bananas would have given him potassium ...with the potassium he would have become more energetic, and God help the housemaid.
E20 Is there a “Misses Fruit?”
FG Yeah, by the way, we have a big place, I’m retired now, this is my sideline after I spent 43 years in jail.
E20 You were in jail ... for selling fruit?
FG No, being in the business, if someone asks if they want to sell fruit I say, yeah, if you want to go to jail for the rest of your life.
E20 Has President Gee bought any fruit from you?
FG Gee? What is he oriental?
E20 No, he’s Mormon, I think it’s kind of close.
FG No, he hasn’t bought any fruit.
E20 That’s kind of stuck up.
FG [No response]
E20 I don’t think Mormons like fruit.
FG [angrily] What do you know about Mormons?
E20 [on the defensive] We studied them in 11th grade.
FG Mormons are good people, what they believe in ... they really believe in.
E20 If I were a fruit, what kind of fruit would I be?
FG You? Give me a minute to think about it. You’d probably be a mango because it’s a cross between different fruits.
E20 Did you know that I’m allergic to mangoes, that’s true.
FG I didn’t know that cause I just met you.
E20 I almost died one time because we had a mango tree in our yard when I was a kid.
FG That’s what I said, eat more mangoes (laughs).
E20 So if somebody you don’t like wants to buy fruit, do you ever breathe on the fruit?
FG No, we, uh, wait till they...no I better not say, but there are little things.
E20 Do you think that people who don’t eat fruit are going to die?
FG Like everybody else.
E20 Has your fruit ever killed a man?
FG No, but I have had people who finished vegetables I sold them drop dead at the table.
E20 Did you feel guilty about that?
FG No [weird look]
E20 ‘Cause vegetables are healthy, right?
FG [looks down]
E20 Did you see “Titanic?”
FG No, I got the tape of “12 Angry Men” that I play over and over again. Y’know what was a good movie, “Bridges of Madison County.”
E20 So apples are the crispest?
FG Apples are crisp.
E20 Apple, tomorrow?
FG [seems distracted] Hey, look at this, a parade (looks at group touring the school).
E20 So what kind of substance is that on the signs, is that blood?
FG Yeah, it’s blood from one of my clients.
E20 Is that one of the little things?
FG Yeah.
FG Y’know you got a good sense of humor, I’ve been here for two weeks and I try to drop a little joke here and there, these kids don’t even know what I’m talking about.